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By: John Adams, author of and dad of two young daughters
Posted on: Jan 29, 2020

6 Questions I’ve Been Asked as a Stay-at-Home Dad

TCH's guest blogger, John Adams (aka Dadbloguk), shares insight into his life as a stay-at-home parent.

I have been asked many times what it’s like to be a stay at home Dad. Even in today’s world, it’s rare to find a man like me who has given up a career to concentrate on family and home.

I’ve been the ‘at home’ parent for almost 10 years while my wife has worked full-time and provided financially for the family. I thought I’d write about the main questions I often face from people who are interested in my domestic life. I hope you enjoy this frank insight!

Do I miss going to work?

I am often asked this question and the answer is a big, fat “No!” I work for myself while my children are at school, but I do not miss having a boss, travelling to the office or commuting.

A lot of people seem to think that a man should want to go and work and want to be a go-getter in the workplace. At this point in time, I am very happy with the way things are.

Is it a lonely existence?

I may not miss work, but I will admit that I do sometimes wish for more adult company. This is a common complaint of stay at home Dads. Moms seem to have a lot more support networks they can call upon for help or simply a coffee. Dads often get left out and after nearly a decade of doing this, I’ll happily say Moms are much better at being there for each other than Dads.

What do other Dads think?

This is what surprised me most when I gave up my career. I thought other men would make fun of me. I was very wrong!

In fact, they all wanted to know how my wife and I made things work. One Dad I knew said he and his wife were thinking of following our example while another Dad, a guy in his sixties, told me he hadn’t seen his children grow up and wished he could have stopped working for a few years. Many Dads want to spend more time at home, but they feel they have to work.

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What about family and friends?

It has, just occasionally, been a little awkward with some family members. No one has said anything nasty, but some family members just don’t quite know what to make of our lifestyle (hey, it works for us!)

For friends, it really hasn’t been a big deal at all. Most of our friends have young families and they understand that someone has to look after the children. Being of a similar age, they also have a similar outlook so don’t care of its Mom or Dad, so long as their children are getting the love and attention they need.

How has it affected my relationship with my wife?

My wife, Gill, is a great Mother, but she was never going to bake cakes to raise money for the school. It’s just not what she’s like. She says I’m a “more natural parent.” I disagree with her, but think my mentality is just a bit different and that she’s best in the corporate world and I’m best off at home.

My wife does feel stress because she knows she has to earn enough money to support us all. That’s something that wasn’t an issue when we both worked full time. I can’t tell you it’s a source of stress in our relationship, but it’s a pressure I have to be aware of and sensitive to.

What do my kids think of having a stay at home Dad?

You know what, my children just don’t see it! To them, it’s just natural to have a Dad who looks after them most of the time.

If you’re wondering who my children wake up when they’ve had a nightmare, it’s me. My kids know no different.

Unfortunately, one thing I have failed to crack is styling their hair. I find it very difficult, so I am forever apologising to my kids for the fact their hair isn’t as nice as their friends’. Other than that, it really doesn’t bother them.

Want to explore the perspectives of other Dads?

You’ve heard a bit about my life, but there are many other great Dad bloggers out there.

From the USA, I’d recommend Life of Dad which has grown into a massive support network for Dads. Lunchbox Dad, meanwhile, is a real niche Dad blog providing inspiration for packed lunches.

From the UK, Dave Hornby is a stay at home Dad blogger who writes about his adventures looking after his five-year-old daughter and two-year-old son. There’s a mix of fun and serious content on his blog, The Dadventurer. Tom Briggs, meanwhile, has just returned to the office after years of being a work from home dad. He has a bigger family with three children of various ages and you will find him at Diary of the Dad.

Do go and check these blogs out. Sometimes they’ll make you laugh, sometimes they’ll make you cry, but hopefully they’ll shine a light into life as a modern-day Dad.